for the record

It’s not all the time that I tell you what you mean to me and it’s not at all that I do it purposefully. I just forget to announce it vocally, because I hear it on the inside all the time. like when I see you and I remember how much I missed you all along. When I lean into your smell and melt into your smile.

When I know I won’t see you for a while, I feel a little lost, cuz I get used to you being around, real easy. Cuz you ease me into a familiar I have never known, a comfortable like it was supposed to be, an effortless synchronicity of you finding me. All the way across an ocean and into another time, once upon you came into my life, ironically, unrealistically.

Yet I believed in you from the first time we actually spoke, I knew there was a little hope that you would be the one that I could adore, for more than just a little while. You make me smile wider than I ever thought I could. You invented the scent “ridiculously innocent”, only to come back the next season with “mischievous deliciousness”.

You make me excited to wake up in the morning, and for all the mornings I wake up alone, I definitely know the difference. I don’t jump at the chance to take on the day. Cuz I wanna travel all over with you, or even just have coffee. I wanna have long unending conversations about nothing, just to hear you talk. I wanna walk under the stars with you and name every one of them individually. I want to make you proud one day and shower you with gratitude all for you believing in me.

I want the world, for you first, then for us. I want you to become the astonishingly exquisite woman that I know and trust. you are most beautiful in the moments that you know you are amazing and that’s who I want to marry, maybe one day. Cuz I love you all the ways, even when I forget to tell you. I feel you deeper than a dramatic love that insists on broadcasting re-runs. I love you authentically, in a one of a kind, cannot be duplicated kind of way. From your toes to your nose and all the way to the back of your head, you are my heart, my love. Just for the record, I said it.