baby steps

Baby steps. The best we can do. The conscious awareness coming apart like glue in a torn seam of an ideological dream. The sticky mess of trying to be health conscious, environmentally friendly, socially aware and poetically PC.

I eat organic, don’t ingest flesh, no dairy… I shop locally. I reduce my carbon footprint, recycle even my sweater’s lint, bring my own bags so I don’t have to choose paper or plastic, respectfully. Wear elastic on occasion, not sure where those sweats came from. China I presume, with all of the rest. Can’t tell you how old she was, or him, working the sweatshop or steam press.

I prefer to buy fair-trade, but I’m lost on all the options. Plus my bank account can only afford so much natural consumption. Isn’t this the reason that all Walmart’s were created equally? To make us feel less guilty about buying products in bulk at a fraction of the price of the corner store’s, or the mom and pop’s. Speaking of which, are they even still with us? Or did Target’, erect a massive parking lot right on top? Crushing their family business, the customer relationships, the personal connection; the feel good emotion of buying something from someone you can actually trust. Well let’s not harp, cuz that all seems well behind us.

Now we just have baby steps to move us toward tracing the root of our expenditure. Maybe even letting go of the idea of leather furniture. Making choices based on needs not wants, educated decisions not spurred by impulse. Often leading to that short high followed by the inevitable low of buyer’s remorse. Spending what we haven’t earned then blaming the card companies for losing a match we thought was surely a win/win situation.

They have us all pegged and we keep playing the game…we are herded like cattle and don’t even notice until we are plopped at our desk buried under all the mess that we got ourselves into. It’s not the game, it’s the player…and we’re the ones getting played.

So that’s why we take baby steps to crawl our way out. To open our eyes and act responsibly, with conviction to re-write the rules. Instead of acting like fools who candidly take the convenient route, cuz we just can’t fit it into our crackberry schedules to do right. Turning a blinds eye to being wronged because it’s a better deal. We’d rather eat hormone injected meat cuz it’s the one on sale. Only to save up for really important shit like lawn ornaments and ridiculous trinkets, cuz sometimes we’re just that simple. Simply stupid, and overtly uneducated, or just plain ignorant.

It’s not that we don’t have the truth, it’s that we don’t wanna hear it. Trace back your burger, your tennis shoes, your juicy couture. How do you balance fashion whore and funding failing farming practices? All cuz it tastes good, cuz you might get laid if your laces lay that special way in those tight ass shoes you thought nobody else had.

Might we see what we’ve succumbed to? Ads fed to us as part of our daily balanced diet. Chillin’ like lunchboxes watchin’ windows into yet another hot mess’s life. Reality television sucking the life outta us like a swollen tick, too thick to cut itself off at full. Instead feeding a frenzy of toxicity all because “forgetting to pay attention” is socially acceptable. In fact, the absolute norm to conform to.

Those of us who stop for a moment to take a breath or to live without the live feed of the tv are the overwhelming minority. Choosing to hold onto the moments we’ve been blessed with instead of shredding them like useless documents.

I killed my tv and I rarely surf the world wide web just to pass the time. I find that big news like Haiti will catch up to me through word of mouth. A route by which we seem to forget about. I miss out on some of the banter, the ins and outs of characters that those around me are inviting into their homes each night. The plight with “the situation”, real world’s new season, or the nightly news covered by sensationalism.

I prefer to read books and to learn. To try to take back all my moments lost. When I still tossed them into the air and kissed them into the winds like acquaintances that I wouldn’t miss if I never saw again. Now I enjoy holding hands and getting to know the time that I have, before I quickly jump to second base or third with slurred words distracted by beauty, or lust, or thoughtless obsession. All I have in my possession now is this, this second, this single heart palpitation, to connect to the drive. Nothing contrived, just simply natural and renewable energy.

Solar power, the same source that feeds the flowers. Vitamin D that nourishes me like photosynthesis converting sunbeams into breakfast. I seek as much to live off the land, to take from the trees their stories, the ocean its wonder, and the mountains their mystery. To honor the abundance that surrounds me.

I sooth in moonbaths in hopes to brighten my future. Let stars dance into my kitchen through the windows I’ve left open for them. Send prayers up to the heavens, mostly “thank you’s” and “IOU’s”. I play in the rain, allowing each drop to refresh and cleanse me, an amenity day spa’s can only envy.

We seek outwardly, when all the gifts are within. Want more, but sometimes all we need is right before us. We can’t hear the call of the wild because we’re tuned into the wrong channel. Missing the boat on glorious waves because we’re trapped in a raft wearing a puffy ass vest. Protecting ourselves from letting go and trusting the guides who might just know. How to win or at least play it right, to withstand the fight or just stand a chance to come out with having glanced at opportunity. The way it should be.

Let’s march…in baby steps. That may be all we can muster. To get us closer to finding our own piece to play. Rules not dictated, but annunciated by us, individually, courageously. From off the beaten path, where we now stand, outside the box, where our next turn may not yet be visible on google maps. Give yourself a clap or a high five, close your eyes and just… drive. Out into the sunset where the horizon will melt into your lap blissfully. The world will be at your hands and you’ll land exactly where you were supposed to be. All along….through the tiniest…. most well intended… baby steps.